I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
