Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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