They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
