I'm gonna have a badass scar
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
