I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
