atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
