Someone shit on the floor
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
