Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
