dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
