I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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