New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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