WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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