Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
