yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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