These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
