Need sex. Gaining weight.
false alarm. still invincible.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
