"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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