Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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