I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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