yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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