I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
