He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
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he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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