I cockslap morals
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
