Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
