I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
