I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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