when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
