I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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