3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
