so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
