mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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