he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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