I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
