you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
