6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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