If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
