Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
