I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
