she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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