I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
4 words: hood of his car
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
