Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize