Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
