Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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