I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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