Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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