you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
