yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
