I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the condom got lost in my hair
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
