He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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