Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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