Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
