worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
