He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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