Sponge bath it is.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
