apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
