the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
