Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
