he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
