I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
