Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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