oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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