A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize