...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You made out with two different species that night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
