Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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