The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
