so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize