apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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