i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
