Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
